The Dork Knight

Today's Sermon is on Religion

2006-10-18T08:52:46Z

Pre-rant caveat: I'm pretty drunk.

Tonight, Jon and I got lost in one of my favorite geek past-times: The philosophical debate.

We debated many things, but the topic that kept rearing its head was the existence of God and the beginning of life. A wise man once said that personal wisdom begins with admitting, "I don't know." I'll be the first to admit that I don't KNOW anything. I think many things, and even believe a good amount. I'm one hundred percent positive, however, about very little.

This is my foremost problem with religion. The religious right (and indeed organized religion in general) exists on the precept that the religious somehow GET some fundamental truth that the rest of us cannot grasp. I don't think it would be too much of a stretch to say that that the current ruling power of America is that of Christian Orthodoxy. Today's Christians, however, are Christians in name only.

Take a hard look at the teachings of Christ and you find a man who has more in common with Socrates than with any of today's so-called "religious scholars." Study Jesus and you find a man more apt to ask questions and challenge precepts that someone who torpedoes-be-damned clings to some ancient doctrine of right and wrong. Jesus was a cat who had a groovy philosophy for understanding and accepting your fellow man - a way of living-and-let-live that allows for the evils of human nature and teaches a way of being personally moral and personally responsible. Flash forward two thousand years and I bet this guy would be rolling in his (supposedly) empty grave at the way his teachings have been bastardized by modern man.

I believe (as many do) that religion should be a personal thing - something that you've studied and have come to accept as a spiritual philosophy that helps you- as an individual- get through the day. Instead we find a politicized dogmatic organization whose fundamental ideology says, at its core, "do what we say or burn for all eternity." In this regard I can see how the religious right and conservative republicans make such good bedfellows - both govern through fear-based, "our way or the pitchfork highway" tactics.

The moment you take a personal, philosophical ideology and build a structured, dogmatic infrastructure around it, you BY DEFINITION corrupt it. So now, instead of a personalized, agonized-over, hard-fought individual ideology arrived at through intensive reflective study and meditation (and god-forbid DEBATE), you have an imposing, threatening dogmatic dictatorship that leaves no room for interpretation and commands that you obey every aspect of their ideology lest you burn forever in a pit of eternal torment.

No thanks.

As I said before, I'm the first to admit that I don't KNOW anything. But as someone who was an altar boy for four years, a sacristan for three, a catholic school student for eighteen years and an amateur student of the Bible, Qur'an, Talmud, Kanjur and any other religious, historical scripture I can get my hands on, I've come to terms with two truths:

1. - Virtually all religious texts have at their core the same fundamental tenants of morality and codes of human behavior.

2. - Virtually none of them are accurately reflected by the current tenants of the popular modern forms their respective religions take on.

Religion, as a personal tool, is a useful rubric through which one can come to a personal understanding of their concept of god.

As an organized belief structure, it is a deadly weapon that can be corrupted into excusing, even ENCOURAGING any extremist viewpoint already inherent in a person. It can (and HAS) been used to justify almost every historical tragedy from slavery, witch-hunting, gay-bashing, and every form of repression from sexual to racial to cultural.

What it comes down to is that like anything, Religion is easily perverted by man. And because it claims to be the word of god, it is all that more effective and deadly a perversion.

What's saddening is that this country was supposedly founded on the denunciation of religious persecution and thus was set up as a religion-free zone of sorts. What has happened is that a Judeo-Christian regime (well, mostly Christian) has taken power. One cannot even get ELECTED to public office without being devoutly religious it would seem, which, as a result, has only led to a public that is begging to be lied to by their potential leaders.

Why is science a vice? Why is doubting hell-worthy? Why is Atheist a dirty word?

"We hold these truths to be self-evident... That ALL men are created equal..."

Why then do evangelical Christians- BY DEFINITION- feel they are superior to those they deem "not saved." This assumes that they GET some greater truth that the rest of us are too stupid to see. They can call it concern for our souls, or pity for our godlessness, but what it comes down to is that they feel smugly superior because they think they're going to heaven and I'm going to hell.

I know that you were blind and now you see. I know you were hungry and now you are full of the lord. Well I'm not hungry, and I see just fine, so fuck off.

It's a cliche, but remember that old tenant of Americanism? "I may not agree with what you say, sir, but I will defend with my life your right to say it." What ever happened to that? Why can't I rationally question the nature of the universe and admit that I have doubts about God's existence and that I believe that Jesus was a wise and honorable man with some revolutionary ideas but NOT God's biological son immaculately conceived of a virgin? Why does that make me somehow some horrible person? That's like the argument that homosexuals shouldn't be scoutmasters or teachers. Why is that you think gays are less able to keep their hands to themselves? Why does nonreligious automatically mean immoral and evil?

I know people that honestly think that not only does hell exist, but that I'm going there because I don't accept Jesus as my personal lord and savior. That means that every non-Christian in the history of the world (even those who lived and died long before Jesus was born) is now burning in hell. Well fuck that, good sir, I’d rather rock out with Ghandi, Nietze and Kant than sit around and self-flagellate with you guys. Afterall, the devil's got the best tunes.

Don't misunderstand me. I'm an optimistic pessimist. I hope to hell there is a god. Seriously. I want there to be. Even if it meant I was wrong, I'd rather burn forever in hell than suddenly blink out of existence. Better to burn out than to fade away, a wise man once said. I'm willing to admit to the possibility of a god.

Even though I can understand the theory of evolution... Even though I can follow the notion of the big bang and of coalescing gasses that explode and spread debris which form galaxies and solar systems and planets and chemicals and proteins and single-celled organism and plant life and living creatures and reptiles and mammals and apes and US. Even though I can (sort of) wrap my mind around the concept that the universe is like a giant piston, constantly and repeatedly expanding and retracting, creating and destroying life in an endless and repetitive cycle.... Even though I can grant all that.... I can't- as a mortal human- fathom all of this not having some sort of a beginning.

As humans, everything we are is based on a life cycle. An alpha and an omega. A Beginning and an End. Capital B, Capital E. Everything about the scientific theory of the origin of the universe makes sense except for the self-perpetuating cycle with no beginning. EVERYTHING has a beginning doesn't it?

And look at chaos theory... When you step back and examine existence and the universe as a whole... when you examine mathematically the random ridiculousness of EVERYTHING... patterns start to emerge. From fractal geometry to fibonacci spirals, there seems to be an almost lyrical symmetry to things. There MUST be or logically none of this would WORK. Is it the hand of God? I don't know... But I'm open to the idea.

This is where we differ from the die-hard religious right. I doubt God's existence... but I'm willing to accept the idea. I'm willing to debate it. With them there is no debate. There is no gray, only black and white. Complexity is pushed aside for absolutism. Moral ambiguity is abandoned for zealous certitude.

They KNOW God exists and they KNOW what he/she wants and they UNDERSTAND his/her will. All others be DAMNED! (Literally)

I like to think that I aspire to wisdom. I know nothing for sure.

I think certain things.

I even believe others.

But I'm willing to hear you out.

I hurt myself today.....

2006-10-16T02:29:44Z

In keeping with the previous journal entry, I figured I'd share this clip which made me both laugh and cry. Johnny Cash rules.

....As does Optimus Prime.

You got the TOUCH...... You got the POWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAA

2006-10-11T22:04:45Z

Well it's been some time ladies and gentlemen, over two years, in fact. But Cat says I should post, so post I shall.

And the topic of today's discussion:

TRANSFORMERS

That's right. Good and Evil. Autobots vs. Decepticons. These things were synonymous when I was a child. Still are as a matter of fact. An entire generation
of children grew up on these shap-changing machines, and at least enough of them became geeks who couldn't let it go for hollywood to make a live-action adaptation. Now I know what you're all thinking - "This is too good to be true, as long as Michael Bay isn't directing it this thing will rock!"

Well he is. But it still will.

Although it will be different from what we remember as children. It has to be made understandable for those who don't know what the hell an energon cube is let alone who currently contains the matrix of leadership. Now I know what you're all thinking - "Impossible! The Prime is always the carrier of the matrix, who in the name of Cybertron doesn't know that?!"

Well Transformer neophytes do exist. So we'll all have to be patient.

As I was saying there will be differences. The exact vehicles that the robots transform into, par example. Bumblebee will no longer be a Volkswagon Bug. The people's Wagon, a car fine-crafted from the mind of Adolf Hitler himself, doesn't want itself associated with war. Ironic. Megatron will be a tank. This is completely understandable since in the cartoon he is a two-story robot who turned into a gun capable of being wielded by a human. No clue what soundwave will be, but since no one uses tape decks these days, he'll probably be a fucking ipod or something.

Now I know what you're all saying - "Fuck this revisionist history! I want the transformers of my youth!"

Get over it. There will be giant robots transforming into cool shit.

Now one thing that must not be fucked with is the cast. Unfortunately, it won't have this stellar line-up from the 1986 cartoon feature film:

BUT.... it will have one holdover, and thus, the reason for this journal entry.

Optimus Prime will be voiced by Peter Cullen, the ORIGINAL VOICE for the character.

I know most of you could give two shits, and that you realize this entry has been mostly tongue-in-cheek. But to a lot of us children-of-the-80s, this guys WAS the 80s. He was in almsot every major cartoon from G.I. Joe, MASK, Ghostbusters and Smurfs to the grandaddy of the them all - Transformers. Hearing anyone else voice the character would just be wrong, and to me, and to a lot of 80s geeks, this rocks.

If you've never heard the big guy, check out Optimus in all his glory from Transformers the Movie, complete with 80s synth-rock soundtrack courtesy of Stan Bush:

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK!!!!!

2005-06-29T05:53:15Z

(avoid if you have not yet seen 24 season 4 but plan to do so)

And now... Ernie and Pat bring you... a coversation about THIS GUY:

Erniesjp: ron butterfield was in 2 episodes of 24
Erniesjp: 1st season
Fool Pitied By T: hahah, yeah that's right! he got shot
Erniesjp: hahahha
Erniesjp: thats awesome
Fool Pitied By T: I remember that, that's funny... although, if I didn't, I could just say "oh yeah! he got shot!" and it would have at least a 50-50 chance of being right
Erniesjp: yea, most peaople you meet on that show get shot or worse
Fool Pitied By T: "Oh yeah! he was decapitated and had his head put in a bag!" "Oh yeah! He had his arm chopped off!" "Oh yeah, he was in air force one as it was shot down!" "Oh yeah! she was tied to a chair and shot through the gut, killing the unborn child who would have died anyway since it was too undeveloped to survive without the mother but it was a bitch move anyway!"
Erniesjp: dont forget the "Oh yeah, he was shot after he thought he kicked jack's ass and was thusly shot by a terrorist, because jack knew something was up and just decided to let the douchebag who had the gaul to hit him die"
Erniesjp: ronnie, that was that dumbass' name
Fool Pitied By T: hahahahahahaha
Fool Pitied By T: aw man, I love 24 for it's lunacy and rediculousness
Erniesjp: yea, i miss it

Erniesjp: not to mention that the "return of jack" will far surpass the return of the likes of tony or whoever the hell else popped up
Erniesjp: damn though, they better try real fuckin hard to top tony's return
Erniesjp: cause he came back like a goddam hero
Fool Pitied By T: dude
Erniesjp: i even forgot how much i hated him after that
Fool Pitied By T: they'd never do this
Fool Pitied By T: but Jack shouldn't even be in it untill, like, episode 6
Fool Pitied By T: it should just be curtis
Erniesjp: exactly
Fool Pitied By T: and just when we stop wondering where Jack is
Fool Pitied By T: BAM
Erniesjp: and he come out of no where
Erniesjp: when tony or Curtis is about to die
Erniesjp: like on a rope swinging in and killing at least 5 dudes before the inetial swing is over
Fool Pitied By T: see, that should be his second appearance
Fool Pitied By T: in episode 8
Erniesjp: hahahahaha
Fool Pitied By T: episode six, things are going to shit, and curtis is in trouble, and we see shit going down on the news on the old TV in some smokey hazy mexican bar, the white sun bleaching in through the windows, the sound of an old pool table in the background, a man sits at the bar and an extreme close up of his drink as he puts it down, extreme close up of the money he throws on the bar top, we follow the man's back as he exits the bar, camera swings aruond, and Jack puts on his shades...
Erniesjp: "You dont know Jack!"

Erniesjp: that was by far the best thing they could have ever done to lead into next season
Erniesjp: they must have known we'd be drunk and stoned
Erniesjp: and dumb enough to go shit crazy after tthat
Fool Pitied By T: yeah, rediculous, kinda lame, and yet when you've just finished a crazy episode and are baked out of your mind, it's the coolest damn thing you've ever seen

Fool Pitied By T: the writers are probably just stoned all the time and sitting in a room very much like my setup at scranton... "Waitwaitwait, guys, hold up.... what if....what if Jack says "i'm calling the only person I can trust... and then... at the end right... Jack's out of ammo.... he's about to be shot, and then... shit, and then.... TONY SHOWS UP shootin' mothafuckas in the HEAD!"

Erniesjp: "oh oh oh... and get this... wait, you'll love this. we'll put that querr ass soulpatch back on him, cause i mean now no one will care and he'll just look like the BIGGEST BADASS EVER!!!"
Erniesjp: followed by a universal "whoaaaaaaaaaa"

Fool Pitied By T: "and yo man, this may be... I dunno, tell me if this is out there, but like.... we shoot down air force one.." (from the back of the room: "nigga you CRAZY!") " no no no, hear me out... we shoot down air force one, so the VP has to take over.... and, ok, he's like, this massive pussy right... he's hidin' out in the bunker and shit.... so Mike, you remember Mike, right? yeah! We bring him back, and he realizes what a colossal vaj the VP is, so we have him say to someone... 'I know someone who can help'... and we have him call.... you ready for this shit, this is gonna blow your mind... PALMER!'
Fool Pitied By T: and then you just have a room of stoners doing McCurdy's lean-forward-in-the-chair-bent-over-with-an-expression-of-joy/pain-while-doing-the-Arsenio-arm-pump-cause-he-thinks-he's-black thing.

Erniesjp: earlier on in the planning, "wait guys, i know we had jack fuck up a witness already, but it just didnt have the pinash of, you know, shooting some guy and then cutting his head off..." "yea, maybe he could fuck someone up in a new way, like using a hotel room appliance." "oooh shit, we could make it someone he knows, like his girl's old beau." "nice nice, but that really doesnt seem 'jack' enough." ok well later, we;ll make people like the guy dumped to the curb for jack, by saving jacks life.. i know it's a bit corny, but everyone will be fucked up.... so then... brace yourself, jack kills the dude for the 'mission.'"
Erniesjp: everyone throws their notes into the air and just goes nuts

Fool Pitied By T: hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Fool Pitied By T: ok can't do this anymore after that one
Fool Pitied By T: especially because you used the word "beau", which is hysterical
Erniesjp: i needed to save type space
Erniesjp: i realized i was getting carried away
Fool Pitied By T: wait wait, I got one more

Fool Pitied By T: "OK..... how about this.... Jack needs to kill him because he needs the doctors... there's only one team of surgeons at CTU - no one will care why - and they're working on the beau.... but we'll make it her EX HUSBAND.... so they're working on him, and Jack brings in a witness that was shot and needs immidiate care so jack can interrogate him.... and he pulls a gun on the docs, they ditch the husband, he dies... BUT WAIT! that's not the clincher.... get this, the witness... he's Chinese, man, and... like... he knows Jack's coming for him.... so like, he goes to the chinese embassy for assylum... they're dicks, cause you know - asian - and won't let him be interrogated... so Jack, he goes OFF THE RESERVATION and takes Curtis and a jobber to INVADE!! the consulate accidentally gets killed, Jack gets blamed, and now China declares war... on JACK."

nothing happens for a really long time... there is shocked silence in the writer's room... then.... from one guy in the back... a slow clap starts. and another. and another. The room bursts into applause, writers are hugging each other and weaping openly, smiling through tear-stained lips.
Fool Pitied By T: Some one puts on "We Are the Champions" by Queen, and the bong is repacked

Erniesjp: HAHAHHAHAHAHA
Erniesjp: ok that was awesome
Erniesjp: the slow clap did it

OK and I wanted to end this with a shot of Jack in shades, walking off into the distance, but couldn't find it anywhere, so instead, how about this.... We know Sutherland likes to give his old "Young Guns" friends some work. Lou Diamond was already in Season One.... next season... Jack's pinned down... no where to turn, and the only person he can trust is....

"madness.... it made no sense whatsoever"

mulhern @ 2005-05-12T16:52:00

2005-05-12T20:52:46Z

Pat Mulhern and Gillian Pensavalle present: A conversation about Batman

Fool Pitied By T: wanna hear something that is not set in stone, but nonetheless awesome?
chilipep13: wait
chilipep13: shit
chilipep13: wrong IM
chilipep13: yes
chilipep13: i do
Fool Pitied By T: ok, goyer, the writer of batman begins, was talking about the inevitable sequals
Fool Pitied By T: and he was saying that he wants a trilogy (which would fit, since Bale is signed for three films)
chilipep13: SLDKFJ YESSSSS
Fool Pitied By T: the second film, he says, will be the joker's story, but he will not die at the end. It will be basically Batman, working with Jim Gordon and D.A. Harvey Dent, to bring in the joker. At the end the joker will be beaten, but NOT killed. the third film will open with his trial during which he will burn harvey's face with acid, turning him into two face. (This is not how it happened in the comics, it was a mob boss who threw the acid, but still, I'm ok with the change) and Two Face will be the big bad of the third movie, with Joker as the Hannibal Lecter type. The movie will deal with Harvey's struggle with his two personalities, during the movie Joker will escape, Harvey will either redeem and die or be captured, and in the end it will come down to Bats and Joker
chilipep13: oh my god
chilipep13: pat
chilipep13: i just got chills
chilipep13: i shit you not
Fool Pitied By T: and that's not the best part
Fool Pitied By T: guess who David Goyer and Christopher Nolan's (the director) first choice for Joker is
chilipep13: who?
Fool Pitied By T: Colonel
Fool Pitied By T: Johnny
Fool Pitied By T: Depp
chilipep13: DFLGJKSER9TPUIOSDFLGK
chilipep13: HO SLKDJW93OPAPSDKSE;LTKW
chilipep13: SFGD
chilipep13: RTW4DG
chilipep13: HFGJW4R
chilipep13: SDFFKGJ49OSFJKG
chilipep13: SDFLKGJW4TWIORLSKGJDFH
chilipep13: SLKDGJDFLGKJDRTY-4ETY549O7P632409TISDF;LTFU43
chilipep13: OH MY OTGDRFGISJE
Fool Pitied By T: :-D
chilipep13: F39WOIESKDL;SDOFKAS;DKFDLGJW3POSD;LFK
chilipep13: RG4
chilipep13: WDSG
chilipep13: DRTY43E
chilipep13: FGYJUTY
chilipep13: QA
chilipep13: RTDRY
chilipep13: 5463
chilipep13: 4DRLGJEW5OPW46IKE5OPRKGDF;LGKSOIT49EPSDKFDOIFGJ94057UIOGJGDRLKJESR469034USPODRT
Fool Pitied By T: wow, I think this is the biggest flip out yet
chilipep13: EROPTUI394PSLK;DLRSEKSDL;JA'ROKTYR5TO96U43PEKJYE;LRGKROPKG9540ERKYJDRLKTJ
Fool Pitied By T: awesome
chilipep13: OH MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
chilipep13: JOHNNY DPEPEPEP
chilipep13: LSDKFJ
chilipep13: TOO
chilipep13: FUCKING
chilipep13: Fool Pitied By T (4:47:56 PM): The last message was not sent because you are over the rate limit. Please wait until sending is re-enabled and send the message again.
Fool Pitied By T: how perfect?
Fool Pitied By T: hahahahahaha
chilipep13: i was gonna say "good"
Fool Pitied By T: I gathered
Fool Pitied By T: but yeah, this all still a big "IF"
Fool Pitied By T: but it sounds damned good to me

MY NAME IS - Shake-zoola, the mic rula, the old schoola. you wanna trip? I'll bring it TO YA!

2005-04-09T07:32:07Z

You're Master Shake! You're manipulative,
self-absorbed, materialistic, rude, lazy, and
easily distracted. Despite all that, you still
think you're the shit.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force - which character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I don't get the ladies, though. That's meatwad. Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honies, G.

mulhern @ 2005-04-08T10:55:00

2005-04-08T14:55:14Z

mulhern @ 2005-03-29T20:22:00

2005-03-30T01:23:16Z

I know I havne't updated in a long time. That will change. but in the meantime, enjoy this, two of the most awfully funny images in comics history.

gotta love those innocent days of the 50s and 60s.

mulhern @ 2004-12-14T21:51:00

2004-12-15T02:52:14Z

In response to my posting of the new Batman Begins trailer in my away message:

mike fireball 0: More like Qui Guano Jinn.
mike fireball 0: Guano, because that trailer is batshit insane.
mike fireball 0: -ly awesome.

jkel25: dude, that movie looks fucking awesome. although at first i was thrown off by all the ice and stuff, and liam neeson made me feel like batman was stuck on hoth, and that beard didn't help him look any less like ewan mcgreggor as obi won-- at first i thought, "goddammit, george lucas remade star wars-- again-- and then again.
Everything aside, nonetheless, it looks like a fucking batastick movie!
jkel25: i can't wait
jkel25: June 17th is too far though

chilipep13: it DOES look amazing
chilipep13: what where is he in the begining?
chilipep13: all snowy and shit?

RainingBlood2546: amazing trailer i am pumped

CALitheus: haha
CALitheus: when Bats says Right here i got a full on Man chubby for christian bale
CALitheus: not in a gay way
CALitheus: in a comic book nerd way

headjam 8: f that batman shit, he just has a cool tool belt....anyway, you get the EE?
headjam 8: damn....actually looks decent

And for you playing at home, just in case you missed it:

http://raincloud.warnerbros.com/wbmovies/batmanbegins/trailer/trailer_300.asx

Heh, Heh, AAAAALLLLLLLLL RIGHT....

2004-12-07T08:33:53Z

Ah Giggidy Giggidy Giggidy Giggidy GOO!

this entry is pointless - look at batman down the page!

2004-12-06T07:35:22Z

EDIT:::

Ok, orginally I had posted that "this is what the letters in your name stand for" bullshit quiz. just because the words actually fit me well. but when I cut and pasted, the fucker changed words on me. WELL I won't play THAT game. so instead, I direct you to my last entry, and the kickass teaser poster for Batman Begins.

Damn

2004-12-05T08:46:52Z

Ok, I'll fold. I'm impressed.

I choose the red pill...

2004-12-03T09:19:31Z

Interesting... though I still plan on being disgustingly wealthy

You scored as alternative. You're partially respected for being an individual in a conformist world yet others take you as a radical. You have no place in society because you choose not to belong there - you're the luckiest of them all, even if your parents are completely ashamed of you. Just don't take drugs ok?

</td>

alternative

92%

Middle Class

50%

Upper middle Class

50%

Luxurious Upper Class

33%

Lower Class

29%

What Social Status are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

mulhern @ 2004-11-19T22:50:00

2004-11-20T03:50:18Z

DRACULA... Kickass.

You are Vlad the Impaler. The man behind the legend
of Dracula. You hanged your victims, stretched
them on the rack, burned them at the stake,
boiled them alive, but mostly impaled them.
Most of your killings were politically targeted
but sometimes you killed just because you were
bored. Your "reign of terror" lasted
from 1456 to 1462. Estimated numbers of victims
vary between 30,000 and more than 100,000.
Evil Evil man. Fie on you!

Which Imfamous criminal are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

mulhern @ 2004-10-25T02:45:00

2004-10-25T06:45:22Z

well how does that fuckin' do ya?

2004-09-06T06:05:24Z

trovei: wha?!

Auto response from Fool Pitied By T: I'd like to send a big fuck you out to the korean non-driver that destroyed my car. Thanks, jackass.

Fool Pitied By T: howdy
trovei: hey man
trovei: i saw rachael at the italian festival
Fool Pitied By T: oh yeah
Fool Pitied By T: ?
Fool Pitied By T: is there more to that, or...
trovei: nah
trovei: taht's about it
Fool Pitied By T: heh
trovei: apparently she's up there every weekend
Fool Pitied By T: yeah, she's working on the costumes for greater tuna
Fool Pitied By T: I was gonna go up there this weekend
trovei: ...but?
Fool Pitied By T: see: above away message
trovei: oh yeah
trovei: what's the deal with that
Fool Pitied By T: just as it sounds
Fool Pitied By T: I was coming home from work, turned off of 476 on to baltimore pike cause I was going to get my mom a birthday card
Fool Pitied By T: jackass stops right in the middle of the fucking road with no warning
Fool Pitied By T: some little korean nothing who can't speak english gets out of his suv (which, by the way, is fine) I swear to god, you'd think my car was tin foil and his was coated with adamantium
Fool Pitied By T: his 15 kids are crying in the back without seatbelts (aren't they supposed to like, have two, both male, and down the rest?)
trovei: hhahahah
trovei: craziness
trovei: so he can't speak?
Fool Pitied By T: and his wife, who could speak- a - rittle - engrish got out and starts giving me her (expired) insurance info
trovei: were you fuming ?
Fool Pitied By T: think about me, steve. as your friend. how long have you known me. now ask yourself that question again
trovei: hahah
trovei: so did you rip them apart?
Fool Pitied By T: they wouldn't come near me. They - a - rerry, rerry a-scayed of big fat-a angry amelican
trovei: hahahahah great!
trovei: were the cops there
Fool Pitied By T: yeah, they got there, acted as go betweens
trovei: how much did you yell at 'em?
trovei: and who ended up being at fault
Fool Pitied By T: I hear "he a hit me, while we was a stopped." and I'm like "I- a - hit them, because they were - a - stopped in the middle of the FUCKING ROAD with no warning!"
Fool Pitied By T: and I will tell you now, steve, they did most dishonorable damage to my car

A1ive and well: yo
A1ive and well: did you get my msg?
Fool Pitied By T: sorry man, no, I saw that you called, but it was right in the middle of me explaining to the nice police officer how two little asian people in a big honking SUV destroyed my car
A1ive and well: haha my msg was "jesus, i could've sworn i just saw you on teh side of baltimre pike"
A1ive and well: everyone ok?
A1ive and well: what happened?
Fool Pitied By T: hahahahahahahahahahaha
A1ive and well: we were on our way to media and i just caught you lighting up a cig out of the corner of my left eye and my brain was like yea thats pat
Fool Pitied By T: well Ping Kim and Kim Kim (actual names) decide to stop in the middle of the road, and I mean stop. going from 40 to 0 immediately
A1ive and well: wow
A1ive and well: hahahaha
A1ive and well: you rear-end them?
Fool Pitied By T: yup
Fool Pitied By T: so of course, technically, it's my fault
A1ive and well: god, what'd teh cop say
A1ive and well: right
A1ive and well: and that sucks
Fool Pitied By T: nothing, no citations
A1ive and well: even tho they were guilty of DWA
A1ive and well: driving while asian
A1ive and well: which is pretty serious
A1ive and well: i was on the trolly the other day and in the middle of the tracks is this lil asian girl in a kia sorrento [i mean if you're going to buy an SUV, buy a fucking real one, i know your korean and you're trying to support the homefront but] and she's on a cell phone oblivious to 30 tons of kawasaki branded iron barreling toward her
Fool Pitied By T: hahahahahah, oh no
A1ive and well: we almost uh, dishonored her
A1ive and well: the trolly guy was like wait for it wait for it NOW HOOOOONK
A1ive and well: i hate that horn, but not right then i didnt
A1ive and well: she freaked and dropped teh cellphone and jumped the lil curb near the track
A1ive and well: i thought she was gonna flip the lil piece of shit over
Fool Pitied By T: jesus christ, these people can scale walls, catch katana blades in their bare hands, fly for short distances, and occasionally, not often but SOMETIMES throw fucking hadukin fire balls from their palms.... why then can they not manage the concept of a rack and pinion steering system and anti-lock breaks?!
A1ive and well: hahahah
A1ive and well: haha..so was the kim family making any attempt to explain thier irrational driving pattern [beside thier ethnicity?]

trovei: yeah. did they explain why they stopped?
Fool Pitied By T: dude, these people would have had a hard time explaining how to flush a toilet
Fool Pitied By T: they were straight from the boat man
Fool Pitied By T: I mean like escaped from the sweatshop yesterday
trovei: that sux dude
trovei: and their car was fine?
Fool Pitied By T: dude
Fool Pitied By T: a scratch
Fool Pitied By T: if that
Fool Pitied By T: and they were bugging out
Fool Pitied By T: "Ouwa cah has rittle damage...."
Fool Pitied By T: I'll fucking give you some real damage, you walking stereotype
Fool Pitied By T: my car looks like I drove it into a brick wall, you're car can be fixed by a little wax-on, wax-off
trovei: crap.. so the front's all smashed in
Fool Pitied By T: remember the car hellboy conventiently stopped?
trovei: umm..
Fool Pitied By T: with his fist
trovei: so. it's bad
Fool Pitied By T: there ya go'
Fool Pitied By T: I'm teling you, if I wasn't moderately sure I would have been on the receiving end of a wicked crane kick, I was gonna go fucking nicholson on their car with a tire iron
trovei: hahah plus you were a bit outnumbered
Fool Pitied By T: true

Fool Pitied By T: goddamit man
Fool Pitied By T: talk about fucking kharma
Fool Pitied By T: I did nothing for myself today
Fool Pitied By T: I worked all day on my day off because it's labor day weekend and my boss woke me up with a phonecall asking me to come in
Fool Pitied By T: I did
Fool Pitied By T: all day
Fool Pitied By T: then I was stopping at that particular exit because I wanted to stop and get flowers and a birthday card for my mom
Fool Pitied By T: and in the mean time, I stumble smack-dab across the ho-chi-min trail and get cluster bombed into car-less hell by charlie and the family circus
A1ive and well: wow, that sucks dude, she better fuckin appreciate it
A1ive and well: i bet she was instead pretty pissed off, hows the car look?
Fool Pitied By T: of course not, she bit my fucking head off (without asking if I was alright first), stacking this on top of yet many other reasons why i make her life a living hell (my renouncing the catholic church and taking pleasure in tobacco being slightly beneath that)
A1ive and well: ah.
A1ive and well: cause god likes catholics to judge people for him and all.
A1ive and well: i mean, he cant judge everyone. that'd take too long. he needs help.
Fool Pitied By T: I mean, I know I'm lapsed catholic and all, but these were godless bhuddists... shouldn't I still get the decision?
A1ive and well: hahahaha
A1ive and well: now you feel dante's pain
A1ive and well: heh. wasnt even supposed to work today.
Fool Pitied By T: hahahahahah, well said, steve, well said
Fool Pitied By T: and wanna hear the irony of that statement?
Fool Pitied By T: the officer who took the accident report
A1ive and well: sure
Fool Pitied By T: officer kevin smith
A1ive and well: no shit.
Fool Pitied By T: I felt like I was in a surrealistic nightmare
Fool Pitied By T: I kept waiting for Affleck to show up and say it looks like someone just shit in my cereal, BONG!

trovei: that's true?!
trovei: that's pretty nuts
Fool Pitied By T: yes it is

mulhern @ 2004-09-05T01:14:00

2004-09-05T05:15:10Z

At your ten year high school reunion... by robbiewriter
Your school name
Your name
Your job will be	Cult Leader
You will be worth	$909,286
Everyone will think you	are really hot

Quiz created with MemeGen!

evidently, my cult does better fiscally than joe's.

Always Knew You Were a Whore....

2004-08-22T15:07:54Z

mulhern @ 2004-06-20T04:23:00

2004-06-20T08:23:11Z

Ok, I realize how metro this is going to make me sound, but I have been watching Sex & The City and I feel the need to rant.

Here goes.

I like the show.

and I FUCKING HATE IT at the same time.

The whole "I love the city, it is my one true love thing". ugh. Over it. New York is not a person. It's a fucking city. A cool city. But a city. First episode of season 5 - Carrie is raving about her perfect New York night watching french films and going to museums. People don't do that.

At the end of the episode, this nice sailor guy tell her the city isn't for him because of the garbage and the crime, and Carrie, after narrating (No one talks shit on my town) says "It's not so bad," and leaves. What the program doesn't show is her walking alone, not getting a cab, getting jumped from behind, thrown in an alley, raped, sodomized and then gutted with a stillhetto from her naval to her clavical.

But it's HER city, HER boyfriend... ECHHHHHH!!!! ENOUGH WITH YOU!!! Shut uuuuUUUUUUUuuuuUUUUUPPPPP.

Also disconcerting is that I suddenly realized that all four of these girls resemble ex girlfriends of mine in scary and uncanny ways.

Two of them I liked, two I didn't.

Charlotte is dead on... dead ON, and I never realized it... but even though we didn't get along, I liked her and find the optimism refreshing.

I LOVE Miranda. I've only had one girlfriend that was even close to being as cynical as I am. but she was no Miranda. I need to find a Miranda. Minus the kid.

Now Carrie.... ugh, I can't even accurately describe why I don't like her... she's ugly, wears awful clothes, likes shoes better than life and has a wise ass overrated poetic wit that's not.

and finally Samantha:. You are old. you are saggy. you are gross. you are beyond whorish. you're 50 and you act like your 20 and no one is buying it. you weren't even hot in star trek 6. you weren't even that hot in animal house. You are certainly not hot now, you are not a sex symbol, stop getting naked and kill yourself.

The show is good, yet infuriating. and I am evidently a woman.

I gotta stop watching TV.

MTV must be stopped, no matter the cost...

2004-06-11T14:42:18Z

Well after last post's sap-fest, I figured I'd follow it up with a rant, both barrells blazing. In my sites today: The MTV movie awards.

Oh My god in heaven did the MTV movie awards suck.

Suuuuuuu-hu-hu-hu-hu-huuuuuuuuuck.

Lindsay Lohan is hot. We all know this. She's seventeen. She's got huge titays. She's also kinda orange. But she's hot. So what.... this is not enough to maintain my attention for three hours of unadulterated garbage.

First off, let's look at the opening act. I was expecting what we've always had, a humerous re-editing of a scene from a big movie with the host inserted in.

What did we get?

A fucked-nut, retarded dance number with Miss Lohan and the porch monkeys from "You Got Served". I smiled once during this whole abortion of a performance, and that was when I remembered the Southpark episode that did such a good job of making fun of this awfulness. Omarion. You have a name that sounds like a transformer. You suck and you should kill yourself. Marcus. You should kill Omarion. I hope during one of your little "dance" performances, while sliding across the stage on your head, your balance throws and your neck snaps at the 4th vertibrae, paralizing you from the adams apple down for life. As your now limp and uncotrollable body comes to a stop on the stage, flailing like a fish out of water, you trip one of the back up dancers who falls into the scaffolding backstage, bringing all the rigging down and impailing Omarion on a piece of PVC piping. Enough with you two. Kill yourselves.

On to the presenters. I'm sick of these pretty-people hollywood fucks trying desperately to hide their absence of personality by bantering wittily at the mic and showing that they are, indeed, cardboard cut-outs. The only reason you are there is to hawk your next piece of crap "blockbuster", we know this, you know, get over yourself. You are not a beautiful snowflake.

And fuck the "themes" MTV. An entire award show centered around horror movies, celebrating a year that had ONE horror movie in it? Yeah, there's a peach of an idea, you mush-mouthed nothings. The animations have to go. HAVE TO. Just say "Now is the award for best male performance" and show a graphic saying as much. We don't need a badly rendered CGI abomination of what some aging hipster thought was "Cool" or "scary". Die.

The MTV movie awards used to be the cool anti-award-show award show. Now it's a useless clone of the oscars with a fraction of the class and none of the relevance. MTV in general is awful. I'm just old enough to remember when they played music. And not that TRL nonsense where you get 20 seconds of Justin Timberlake's latest musical abortion. I mean a full video of GOOD music.

MTV: It's time to put a bullet in the dying dog. Kill yourself.

You are the child to my windshield.

"The Road Goes Ever On and On...."

2004-05-31T12:52:02Z

I'm getting ready to pack up my computer, preparing for the 2 minute trek around the corner to my new abode at 1320 for next semester.

I'm did not graduate this year, which doesn't bother me. The fact that I didn't partake in this year's ceremonies doesn't bother me. My worthless advisor failing to inform me that I was 9 credits shy doesn't even bother me. Other than the financial strain, I really wasn't too upset about the current state of affairs until today. Today it hit me. Something is bothering me - tremendously.

I'm going to miss my friends.

I know I am the king off all things sarcastic and emotionless, but permit me if you would, just one post of naked emotion and then I'll release the wise-ass Pat you've come to know and tolerate.

Many of this year's graduating seniors I fully intend to stay in touch with. I will make every effort, bypass any obstacle, climb every mountain and ford every stream I must to that end, but at the same time I'm a realist and it is well within the range of probability that I say goodbye to some of these people for the last time.

This realization hit me like an adamantium clawed fist to the gut in the wee hours of this morning, as I sat, smoking a cigarette and dozing.

I know Live Journal is just about as lame a venue for emotional expression as any medium there is, but I know myself far too well to entertain the possibility of getting any of this out in person. I'd clam up, arch an eybrow, smirk one corner of my mouth, light up a smoke and say an off-color joke to difuse the situation, and escape the moment.

All that being said, I still want to at least, in some small way, express what I'm feeling right now.

So here goes nothing...

The Martin Boys

Antonio, Benny, Mike, Vito, Min, Jimmy... even fuckin' McDade. Though I've drifted from their ranks over the past four years, they are still responsible for the best commune in which I've ever had the priviledge of being imprisoned. As long as the T-Shirt lives, so too shall they. MHB for life.

The Leahy floor of death:

Mark, Ryan, Weezer, Charlie, Rob, and all of the criminals with whom I've enjoyed many poker games and because of whom I've weathered many an interrogation by public safety.

Meaney and Brad:
The antichrist and the Jesus killer. Compatriots in making-fun-of, and all around pranksters who accomplished something I thought impossible: They had a biting sarcastic wit and dark, twisted sense of humor that surpasses even my own. Their moviemaking expertise will be put to good use. Scott will be here next year, thankfully, but separating him and Brad in my mind is like releasing a Mario game without Luigi (....) and therefore, even though we will continue to hang out, I must mourn the death of the duo.

My roommates

Jeff... a compatriot in Lord of the Rings geekiness and someone who puts up with my insomnia and late night moviewatching (with the bass all the way up) better than anyone on the other side of my paper thin wall should be expected to. An awesome kid, and someone I can honestly admit looking up to.

Luchko

This fucker I KNOW I'm gonna see again because he's a highschool friend. My roommate freshman year. We almost killed each other, but he's still a bud. The missing link between high school and college, he's always game for a laugh, and he's just a cool guy, 'nuff said.

Grinch

He got me in trouble with the Korean, fucked with my shit in Martin, framed me with Public safety, and yet the shady bastard still makes me laugh. I'll miss the devlish "I-just-fucked-your-grandma" grin, and his batman like ability to vanish into thin air.

The Theater Kids...

Chrissie

Hard to imagine someone that pretty could be that funny and cool. As fun to be around as she is to watch on stage, she gives hope to the male gender that there exist hot chicks who are not crazy.

Carl

whether it be with council or a wisecrack that will make you cry with laughter, this idiot is jut plain cool. It's no suprise that everyone loves it when he's around and asks at least three times a night "Where's Carl?" when he's not. It's also no suprise the man has no enemies... except the Scranton police.

Ethan

Whether it be a deck of cards, a keg of beer or slightly more illegal substances, the man always come through in a clutch. He's Santa Clause, a teddy bear and a great entertainer all in one. He's also my role model for the "Super Senior".

Colleen

She's a witch. and a kickass one. She laughs at all my meanspirited jokes and is never afraid to throw her own onto the table. It's because of her that Beltane will always be marked on my calendar.

Dale

All Hail Queen of the Theater. It's no secret that with regard to personality traits, I rank comedy very high, and when Dale's around it is a foregone conclusion that "comedy" and "very high" are synonymous.

Rachael

Quite possibly my polar opposite. But that doesn't mean she doesnt' rock or that I didn't enjoy any time I was lucky enough to spend with her. As talented as she is tiny, she'll go as far as she wants to and has already proven she can weather any storm (Even geeky comic book asshole hurricaines)

Suzy

Only one thing puts me in a state of complete oblivion in which I lose all powers of being humorous and Suzy has been the prime supplier of said comedic kryptonite. What are our boring nights of chilling out going to be like without you? Will it be just Rob, Brian, Ernie and I watching the Dark Side of Oz and mocking Jon's rediculousness? Better not be, because you're a local and your sudden absenses will be met with death. And by death I mean we will sick Jimmy, Queen of the Desert on your youth-corrupting ass.

C.

Ryan

Joyce

Who would have guessed that the man who was once just my gay RA who nearly killed us all in a horrendous fire in Leahy, would turn out to be someone it is going to physically hurt to miss. Only someone as funny, caring, and as utterly redunculous as Ryan could make the Beast's lair a haven for the reality challenged members of the Scranton players. Queen of paradoxes - An unkempt gay baseball fan, a senior citizen with the heart of a child - he's someone I want to still be close with when Scranton is long in the past and I have children of my own... even if they aren't allowed near him untill they are 18.

and thus we come to the Comic Group. The Leahy Squad. The Justic League, The Outsiders and the Brotherhood of Evil Dorks all in one.

Jon

The Clark Kent to my Pete Ross. My partner in refrencing. The softspoken giant who says nothing untill that pefect moment presents itself and out comes a Ghostbusters quote about Vigo the Carpathian that makes me lose bladder control. If a chance for a movie quote occurrs, and I KNOW no one else in the room will get it, I still fucking make it because I know Jon will laugh. If he's not even THERE - if I'm in Philly and he's navigating the frozen tundras of Connecticutt - I will STILL Make the fucking quote, because I know somewhere Jon is laughing. He lives the farthest away, and it kills me that it will be difficult to commune with this evil genius as frequently as I'd like, but I take comfort in the knowledge that when I'm rich and powerful, and Jon, with the backing of LexCorp, turns a small town in Kansas into a booming Metropolis, we will have no trouble taking our private jets and choppers to meet each other and hang out in port jervis... also known as the LexCorp lobby.

Steve-O

What is there to be said about this boy that hasn't already been said about every child rapist in recorded history. He's one of the only people on the planet that can truly piss me off and for that I applaud him. He has his values and he sticks to them, and he never misses a beat to let some of the air out of my significantly overinflated ego. He is the only one with whom I can truly let my inner geek out. Our conversations about the Merry Marvel Marching Society and the value of mechanical web shooters over organic - as sad is this is to admit in print - are memories I will cherish. He is the man that knocked my sense of cool out the window and reminded me it was ok to like batman. His outgoing nature is the reason I have three of my best friends, and he has my gratitude.

Joe

Take equal parts Socrates, Plato, Keruac, Robbins, Gaimen and Graffen, throw them in a blender, add a huge helping of guinee and bullshit, push the button and you get this minsunderstood prince of shade. I've spent many a night and a significant portion of lung tissue discussing everything from philosphy to religion to the workings of the universe with him and consider myself smarter having known him. I've run through just about every emotion my granite heart is capable of producing with the kid, and still he remains one of my closest friends with whom I'd trust any secret. I will miss our palavars the most. He is also the reason I will die of lung cancer at 40.

And he makes-a-one helluva pizza-pie!

There are so many that have gone unmentioned, and it is not a slight to any of them. Some are hard to put into words, some I've forgotten about due to my insomnia and this 72-hour-day I'm having, and some I may not like. Wrack your brains to decide which you are.

I'm kidding of course, my enemies know who they are. and they are few. Fewer than I'd have expected, whereas the allies listed above are more than I would have ever predicted or could have asked for.

I've valued the years you've been in my life and if Steve-O is right and there is a god, I pray to he/she/it that there will be many more years.

Love is not a word I toss around. I've never said to a girlfriend because I want to mean it. But that's no excuse for not saying it to my friends. And to those of my friends on this list and those that aren't, know that I love you guys, even if I make fun of you to no end and take you for granted.

Having said all that, I'm going to clam up, arch an eyebrow, smirk one corner of my mouth and go light up a smoke.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Pat.

My Eternal Damnation is gonna be SWEET

2004-05-24T10:15:13Z

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell! You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity. Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine, whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your fate.
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Extreme
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

Dude, that's so money. It'd Dark, and there's rain, two things I love. I get to be molseted by the wind, which sounds cool enough, and then there's helen of troy (whose face could launch my ship) and cleo-fucking-patra, two historically famous hot sluts I get to hit on.

Shit, that sounds like a good deal to me.

COOL

2004-05-24T10:07:49Z

>
WARNING

mulhern is radioactive. Wear protective clothing at all times.

From Go-Quiz.com

mulhern @ 2004-05-18T12:48:00

2004-05-18T16:48:51Z

Man does my day suck.... like really suck.

Exam at 8 this morning. Another at 3. two papers and a presnetation to write. I don't even know if I can enjoy the Shield tonight.

I cannot understand - Seriously, I cannot figure out - and if someone can, please enlighten me - how life can go from being pretty sweet to shit-hitting-the-fan fucktacular in so short a time?

Everyone's graduating, the juniors are punking out early, and everyone's busy doing some such damn thing whenever I'm free.

Aggrivatin', I tells ya, that's what it is.

I need to get all this crap done early. I need to knock it out, relax, nap, grab a sixpack and watch some tv tonight, that's what I need.

I also need to delete this post 'cause it's whiney and annoying and I hate these posts.

mulhern @ 2004-05-11T00:22:00

2004-05-11T04:23:11Z

For future reference:

After graduation, should you want to visit, just follow the signs:

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	mulhern
Your haiku:	yeah did they explain why they stopped?fool pitied by t goddamit
Username:

Created by Grahame

What The Hell Happened Last Night?
LJ Username
What did you drink?
You wake up in the morning next to:	burningsobright
...who is wearing:	lacy stockings
...and rolls over to you to say:	How the heck did you manage to sleep with those wrist cuffs on?
...and then:	uses your PC to check LiveJournal

This fun quiz by joneccleston - Taken 68728 Times. </a>